The Enlightened Despot

So I guess it’s pick on Bobby Jindal day here at the Despot. I apologize. Sort of. In any case, while the demon fighting is old news, Jindal talk these days is largely focused on his mocking “$140 million for something called ‘volcano monitoring’,” as an example of wasteful spending. The something that is called ‘volcano monitoring’ turns out to be the monitoring of volcanoes.  Volcanoes have a nasty habit of spewing ash and hot lava, which can be fairly unpleasant for anyone in the neighborhood. There is therefore widespread confusion as to why, exactly, Bobby Jindal thinks monitoring these things is such a ridiculous scheme.

Mudflats (I’m linking to a blog about Alaskan politics twice in one day without mentioning Sarah Palin… odd) has the best reaction I’ve seen so far:

Remember when Sarah Palin simultaneously proclaimed herself to be an advocate for children with autism, and mocked fruitfly research at the same time?  A quick Google search will reveal that fruit fly research has been, and continues to be important in trying to understand….autism.  So why did Palin attack that science?

a) She didn’t bother to do any research on it.

b) It sounds funny.

c) Both a and b.

If you picked “c”, you are correct.

Now let’s play again with the NEXT next golden child of the Republican Party - Louisiana Governor, Bobby Jindal.

In his grand debut last night, in front of the nation, as the governor of a state that has suffered mightily from lack of preparedness in the face of natural disaster, and while several hundred thousand Americans (of which I am one) are currently living within sight of a volcano that is “code orange” and has at its base, a Chevron tank farm sitting at its base, right next to Cook Inlet, what does he do?

He mocks government spending on volcano monitoring.  Excuse me…he mocks government spending on ”something called ‘volcano monitoring’”.  Once again, a quick Google search will reveal what this strange and mysterious ritual that some call “volcano monitoring” is all about.  I’m sure the folks at the Alaska Volcano Observatory will be happy to enlighten Governor Jindal.  So, why did Jindal attack this science?

a) He didn’t bother to do any research on it.

b) It sounds funny.

c) Both a and b.

Once again, if you answered “c”, you are correct.

My only objection to this is that unlike fruitfly research, volcano monitoring doesn’t really sound funny, and doesn’t even require much research. They’re volcanoes! Lava is really fucking hot! Why wouldn’t we monitor them?

Via Mudflats, here’s Bobby Jindal telling a story that I personally feel would have been terrific material for his speech the other night:

The students, led by Susan’s sister and Louise, a member of a charismatic church, engaged in loud and desperate prayers while holding Susan with one hand. Kneeling on the ground, my friends were chanting, “Satan, I command you to leave this woman.” Others exhorted all “demons to leave in the name of Christ.” It is no exaggeration to note the tears and sweat among those assembled. Susan lashed out at the assembled students with verbal assaults.

Whenever I concentrated long enough to begin prayer, I felt some type of physical force distracting me. It was as if something was pushing down on my chest, making it very hard for me to breathe. . . Though I could find no cause for my chest pains, I was very scared of what was happening to me and Susan. I began to think that the demon would only attack me if I tried to pray or fight back; thus, I resigned myself to leaving it alone in an attempt to find peace for myself.

It appeared as if we were observing a tremendous battle between the Susan we knew and loved and some strange evil force. But the momentum had shifted and we now sensed that victory was at hand.While Alice and Louise held Susan, her sister continued holding the Bible to her face. Almost taunting the evil spirit that had almost beaten us minutes before, the students dared Susan to read biblical passages. She choked on certain passages and could not finish the sentence “Jesus is Lord.” Over and over, she repeated “Jesus is L..L..LL,” often ending in profanities. In between her futile attempts, Susan pleaded with us to continue trying and often smiled between the grimaces that accompanied her readings of Scripture. Just as suddenly as she went into the trance, Susan suddenly reappeared and claimed “Jesus is Lord.”

With an almost comical smile, Susan then looked up as if awakening from a deep sleep and asked, “Has something happened?” She did not remember any of the past few hours and was startled to find her friends breaking out in cheers and laughter, overwhelmed by sudden joy and relief.

With all due respect to demon-slaying, the GOP really needs to vet people a little more thoroughly before annointing them ‘rising stars’.